Take me to Church

The city who never sleeps was calm this Thanksgiving night. I was leaving Central Park and heading south on Fifth Avenue. The rain had stopped but a thick, low fog made the evening damp and raw. Christmas decorations were already  on display in the windows of the fancy stores; I took a quick glance but knew I had to hurry up. Maaike, my new…hmm I wasn't sure she would approve of the title” girlfriend”, was heading north on Fifth Avenue and we would meet somewhere and walk back to her place downtown.

My grandmother, Annie had insisted on having the whole family over to her grand Upper Westside apartment for Thanksgiving dinner. My mother had tried to talk her out of it but no use. To get the two women to stop arguing over the phone for hours upon hours I had promised to handle the cooking. I was after all living in one of the bedrooms in Annie’s apartment and I was a trained chef. My grandmother had been so pleased, so pleased she sang show tunes for days afterwards.  In the morning when she carefully prepared the breakfast tea she sang “I don’t know how to love him”. As she took her white poodle for a walk in the park she sang: “Officer Krupke”. At night when she took her bath she sang “Maybe”.

A few days before Thanksgiving I went to the supermarket and bought a large turkey, potatoes to mash and some supplies for making gravy.  My mother and my aunts would bring sweet potatoes, creamed spinach, cranberry sauce…yeah, you get the picture. Dinner was supposed to be served at two o’clock to accommodate grandmother’s and great grandchildren’s early bedtimes.

Early on Thanksgiving morning I had woken up in Maaike’s bed. I laid still watching her sleep in the grey light. She slept on her back with her arms over her head, the long dark hair in a braid and her tank top had slid up and showed her stomach. Her skin is the smoothest most beautiful thing in the world. When we first met back in September her skin had been golden brown, now in late November it had faded slightly. Still much darker than mine of course. I blame my Irish grandparents for my pastiness.  I caressed her eyebrows, her cheek and she opened her green eyes. With narrow eyes she put a hand behind my neck and pulled me close. “Mmm,” she purred. “I love how you taste in the morning.”  

This was a perfect moment, this moment in itself was all I wanted but I still couldn't keep myself from thinking about Julia. She had been the reason why I had left the City in the first place. She and some friends had been in the City for a weekend and we had met at Henrietta Hudson. She was a sweet girl, funny and a bit unsure of herself. I fell head first into her forget-me-not eyes and her freckly chest.  She was still in college and I wasn't and as a chef you can get a job anywhere so I left my city. Moved into Julia’s tiny apartment in Virginia.  I was her first and she wanted it all. After about two years she started to talk about children. “Children?” I said. “How would that work? We can’t even get married.” She had it all figured out. “I asked Aaron and he said…” I wasn't particularly fond of Aaron and have him be the father of my child…. To be honest I wasn't sure I even wanted children, not with Julia, not with anyone.

Last June I packed my bags and came back to New York City. The day was hot and unusually humid when I landed at JFK. I took the Long Island Railroad to Penn Station where I caught the 1 train.  The subway was crowded, the streets smelled like garbage and I was sweating profoundly. And I loved it! My grandmother took me in and since then I had worked here and there with this and that.

One September night I met Maaike at my friend Josh’s place. He had a party in the townhouse he shared with his two brothers. She sat cross-legged in the middle of the couch dressed in black tights and a bright pink tunic. I stood in the middle of the floor and looked at her. Until she suddenly turned her head and met my eyes. She didn't smile, just locked her eyes on mine. You know that moment in movies when they slow everything down and they focus on the main characters and you know that a decisive moment is happening. That was exactly how I felt when I stood on the floor with Maaike’s eyes locked with mine.

Some women are naturally more submissive in bed.  Some women are naturally more dominant in bed. I had always been the stronger force when it came to sex.  With Maaike it was different. More of an ebb and flow, push and pull, top and bottom. Sex was more exciting, more equal and therefore better.

And now I was rushing down Fifth Avenue to meet this woman I knew very little about but I desired to no end. I picked up my cellphone to see if she had texted me, she hadn't, and when I tried to get the phone into my pocket again it slipped out of my hand and bounced in the street. Thank God for the Otter Box! As I bent down to pick up my phone I got an uncomfortable feeling in my body. The feeling reminded me of when I was little and I was sure a troll with long skinny fingers lived under my bed. The feeling of being vulnerable and watched by something menacing. Where did this feeling come from I wondered as I straightened up again. I looked behind me. Nothing there. I looked to the other side of the street. A few people were walking there but not one of them seemed to pay me any attention. I started to walk again, trying to shake this uncomfortable feeling out of my body.

Maybe the person had walked in front of me for a long time and I just hadn't noticed but now I saw him or her, I wasn't sure which. This person walked leisurely half a block away, tall, dressed in a long light grey or perhaps beige coat, wavy hair down to the shoulders. I was sure this person was the source of my uncomfortable feeling so I quickly headed over to the east side of the street. I walked slower than before to see if the person would keep walking or also slow down. Slowed down, just like me. I stopped and picked up my phone again to call Maaike, to see where she was. There is always comfort in being two.

Three rings before she picked up, she sounded out of breath. “Where are you?” she asked abruptly. I realized I was outside St. Patrick’s Cathedral. When I told her she demanded that I walked up the steps to see if the door was open. “Why?” I asked. Her response was filled with anger, desperation and pleading. The combination worked wonders on me and I ran up the steps and tried all the doors. “They are all locked.” For a few seconds all I heard was Maaike’s hard breathing. “Stay close to the door. I should be there in two minutes. Don’t go anywhere!” Before I had a chance to answer she hung up.

Two minutes isn't very long. One hundred and twenty seconds. For the first minute thoughts were doing a relay in my head. Most of my thoughts concerned what I actually knew about Maaike. She works for a company that developed software and she traveled a lot to see clients. She can run a mile in less than seven minutes. Her parents moved from Iran to Sweden in the 70’s. When I asked about her parents she always said: Fuck them! When she was eighteen she came to NYC as an au-pair and fell in love with the city and never left. Married an American man to get a Green Card. Then my thoughts froze. The person on the other side of the street. That tall person in the long coat with wavy hair had walked backwards and now stood across Fifth Avenue and looked at me. I pressed my body backwards into the door. My uncomfortable feeling escalated and soughed in my ears.

I felt Maaike’s hand around mine before I fully understood she was there. Her hand was so warm around mine. “Alex,” she said. I tried to pull my eyes away from the person on the other side of the street but I couldn’t. “Alexandra.” No one ever calls me Alexandra anymore, except for my father. I slowly turned my head and looked at her. “We are going in,” she said and pulled on my hand. “But…” Hadn't I already told her the doors were locked? “The doors are locked.” She pulled out a big key from her pocket and put in the keyhole. I stared fascinated. “You have a key?” I know I tend to ask stupid questions when I am under stress. “Evidentially,” she said and dragged me inside. She closed the door behind her and locked it again.

She yanked on my hand and steered me to the left and kept walking until we stopped by The Black Madonna of Czestochowa. I looked up at the scared face; I had always loved this icon the most. She looked so hurt and still so strong.  “Do you know that she stopped the Swedish Army from capturing the monastery during the Second Northern War?” Maaike looked at me and shook her head. “Alex, you are rambling!” I stopped talking. “I want you to stay here until I come back,” she said firmly. She put her hands on my shoulders and pushed me down to sitting. “What are you doing?” She took two steps away from me and blinked hard a few times. “I am going outside for a while.”  I felt like a little girl because the only question I could come up with was; why? She put her hand on my cheek and caressed it and then she turned around and left.

I was never very good in school, not because I wasn't smart, but  I was always absentminded and I didn’t have the drive I guess. But one thing I am good at is figuring things out, putting pieces together, solving riddles and things like that. So Maaike took about ten steps and then I jumped up and ran after her. “Who is that person outside? The tall one on the other side of the street?”  She slowed down. “It is an angel.” I started laughing. “Ha ha very funny!” She didn't look angry or amused. “I will show you,” she said and took my hand again.

We walked back to the door and she ordered me to kneel down and look out the big keyhole. “Do you see it?” I nodded. “I will now put my hand on your neck and I will let you see what I see.” I looked at the tall figure on the other side. Maaike put her warm hand on my neck. Nothing happened at first, then her hand grew heavier and warmer and my vision turned blurry. I blinked to clear my eyes then the blurriness disappeared. The figure on the other side was magnificent. Glowing, winged, a large sword by his side. Maaike’s hand moved and everything turned back to normal. I sank down to the floor, took several deep breaths, and banged my head softly against the door. The sensation was comforting, a reality test.  “How did you do that?”

“I have abilities,” she said and sat down next to me. Abilities? What a no descriptive word, it could mean anything. “What does that even mean?” I asked and looked at her.  “I can do things humans can’t do.” I mulled over her words: I can do things humans can’t do. “You make it sound like you are not human.” I couldn't stop a nervous giggle from coming out. “I am not,” she said with a perfectly normal voice. She might as well have said, “I am born on May 1.” Then I put out a finger and poked her on the arm. “What are you then? Because you seem very human to me.” She stood up and moved a few feet away. “Demon.”

I giggled again. “Angels and Demons,” I said and started to laugh out loud. This was so funny. So ridiculous and funny. She stood still and waited for my laughter to die away. We looked at each other for a long time. “Do your parents know?” She nodded.  “Were you born like that?” She nodded. “Are your parents also…”it felt strange to say the word. Maaike nodded again. I put my forehead on my knees and looked down at the floor. There was a crack in the stone and I followed it with my eyes until I saw Maaike’s feet. She had on her red Dr. Martens. “Are you evil then?” I whispered. “No,” she said. “Don’t be so parochial.”

I sat still with my forehead on my knees for a while, trying to think of something constructive. But it didn't really work so I kept asking.  “Why is there an angel out on the street?”  Maaike sighed and hummed a few times. “The world is divided into sections. Some are for the angels and some are for us. We don’t cross the borders or we are not supposed to. But sometimes we do. And he likes this city and often come here even though he shouldn’t.” I put my chin on my knees and looked at her again. “Do you rule the sections? Or take care of them? Or use them?” She put her thumb in her mouth and chewed on her knuckle, she did that sometimes when she seemed stressed. “Neither.”

She came close to me and sat down. “The world is more complicated than you know. To stop the demons and angels from fighting the world was divided. Not to rule or use or take care of. Simply to keep us apart. But sometimes a certain spot has a pull on one of us and we can’t resist traveling there. I will have to urge him to leave before it escalates into something more…” She stood up again. “I have to go out now.” I nodded. “Please don’t come out.” I nodded again. She unlocked the door, brought the key with her and I heard how she locked it on the outside. I sat and stared at nothing. The hair on my body tingled, stood up by itself on my neck and my head. The feeling was very similar to when I go to the hairdresser and she lifts each strand of hair to cut it.

I realized I was listening for sounds from outside but it was completely quiet. Curiosity overcame me and I got up on my knees and put my eye to the keyhole again.  I saw Maaike and the angel; they stood a few yards away from each other, moving in dance like motions. If I strained my imagination I could picture the angel swinging his sword and I wondered if she had a weapon too that I couldn't see. She was so fast and graceful I got breathless as I watched. There was such power beaming out of her I could almost feel it in my body where I sat.

After about twenty minutes the angel stopped moving, bowed towards Maaike and walked away. He sort of disappeared or vanished might be the better word because he seemed to cease to exist. She stood still for a short moment before she came walking back to me. When she opened the door I heard her panting. “Is he gone?” She nodded and sat down next to me. Her body was boiling and she smelled like she does after she has been out running. Musk and salt in the most exciting combination. “Alex,” she said. And it was something in her voice that made it impossible for me to answer her. “Do you want me to kill you or erase your memory?”

I jumped up and backed away from her. “What?” She didn't look sad or angry or anything. She looked perfectly normal and calm. “You do understand I can’t let you walk away from here remembering this?” I guess I should have understood that, right? “Humans have such a hard time keeping secrets.” She stood up and rubbed her hands together. “I would like to live,” I said very shakily. She nodded. “Will I remember you?” I asked. “I mean will we still be together?” She put her head to the side and smiled. “If you want.” My lips trembled as I said; Yes.

The city who never sleeps was calm this Thanksgiving night. I was leaving Central Park and heading south on Fifth Avenue. The rain had stopped but a thick, low fog made the evening damp and raw. Christmas decorations were already on display in the windows of the fancy stores; I took a quick glance but knew I had to hurry up. Maaike, my new…hmm I wasn't sure she would approve of the title “girlfriend”, was heading north on Fifth Avenue and we would meet somewhere and walk back to her place downtown. I knew I was slightly late, the last hour had passed so quickly.  I had a strange headache and was happy to be out of my grandmother’s apartment. Family can do that to you.